Things I've Learned the Past Few Days...

1. Fax machines don't work when your children have (unbeknownst to you) jammed play coins and pretend kitchen food inside of them.

2. It's inevitable that whenever someone needs something important emailed to them immediately for your job, the file is going to reside on whichever computer is not currently hooked up to your DSL connection. (Long story, but I can only have one computer connected at a time, and I have no way to copy files off my old piece of shit PC to email the stuff from my laptop).

3. At some point (apparently, immediately after turning 3), your child will start protesting her crib and demand a "big girl bed", meaning you'll now have two children potentially wandering around your home in the middle of the night.

4. My husband is more anal retentive than I thought and makes me count (out loud and in front of him) the letters I'm supposed to mail for him today, so as to make sure I have that same number of letters upon arriving at the post office. You know, in case one somehow magically jumps out of the zippered pouch they are currently contained in.

5. Steve will invite everyone he sees and knows to come to the pig roast, even if he knows I can't stand the girl to which he handed the invitation.

6. Every single time you wet mop all of the floors in the downstairs of your home, every single person in the family (including yourself) will manage to drop or spill something on them within an hour of the mopping.

7. Deciding to make a "quick stop" at the local WalMart even though you haven't showered yet and look like shit, means you will inevitably run into someone you haven't seen in years, making them believe that you look like shit all of the time.

8. The one night you are really, really hungry and want to eat dinner is the same night your children will hover over you, and eat almost all of it off your plate, even though they ate their own dinner earlier.

I'm sure I've learned more, but having that much knowledge thrown at me in the span of two days has made my head hurt and has lessened my ability to retain short-term memories.